Life has been wonderful around here.
We've had over a week now to recharge, relax, and enjoy.
God's been using this time to teach me a lot of things, and grow me in areas I didn't see coming.
I am currently learning how to focus my gaze on him, trust his timing, and be patient (among many other things).
I am really trying to hear the Lord on some things right now - so if you could lift this situation in prayer for me, it would mean so much to me.
I am waiting expectantly for a word from the Lord.
Let me just lay it all out there:
Karl and I are trying to see which direction our life is to go.
1. We have no more children - there is an aching in me for more children, so I doubt this is what the Lord wants, but you never know!
2. We have more biological children - I hate being pregnant, I have high-risk, high-stress pregnancies, and am pretty sure I don't want to be pregnant again.
3. We continue fostering, and praying we get to adopt from one of our foster children - this leaves our home open to the possibility of incredible stress, which is a little scary considering my previous experience. But, I know it can also be so very rewarding, and I am up for the challenge if it is God's will.
4. We adopt straight from foster care - no fostering involved, just like a private adoption. This also leaves our home open to incredible heartbreak, due to some foster children never attaching, never assimilating, and having very challenging life-long problems. But, I know that if it's what God wants for us - He will match our family with the perfect child if we step out of the way and let him.
5. We adopt a little girl named Olive from Serbia. She has down syndrome, other mental redardation, a heart condition, and microcephaly. She is 3 years old and in a baby-house currently, but will be moved to an institution at age 4, where she will likely live in a crib with little contact the rest of her life. The idea of that breaks my heart. I LOVE down syndrome, it is one of the most beautiful disabilities a child can have - they usually are like little children forever. Her heart condition is stable, non-life threatening, and requires no medical treatment. And microcephaly is a fancy word for being extra extra small. Just six months ago she was 30 inches and 13.5lbs. Yes, that is the size of the average 8 month old. She is incredibly beautiful, she looks like she could have come out of my womb, and I would absolutely welcome the challenges with a glad heart. HUGE OBSTICLE: She is a $15,000 commitment - which we obviously don't have.
We honestly want what ever it is God has for us. We are not willing to take "good" over His "great".
We are really seeking direction in this.
We are EXPECTING to hear from the Lord, we're not sure how or through who - but we are anxiously awaiting His word!