Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My first mom visit...

So, I met Birth Mom today, along with one Dad.
It was really awkward.
One of the only things Mom did say to me was "how are they doing?"
What do you say to that?
"They're doing great", implying they don't care they're not at home or "they're a mess", possibly putting guilt and blame on them, and worrying them.
So, I went middle ground, and said "they're doing good - but they miss you and ask when they can come home."
She is very anxious to get them out of our home and in to relative care.

The two older ones are little pistols, and act like a couple of gang bangers with no respect when they're together.
So, we try and divide and concur whenever possible.
The little one is adjusted really well - he isn't a problem at all.
All I have to do is say is "1 - 2 -.." and usually before I get to 3 he's stopped doing what ever he's doing, or obeys to what I'm telling him.
He and Ethan have a little problem getting along, but I think it's an alfa-male thing that will work itself out.

Mom and Dad brought 3 bags full of new stuff, pajamas, toys, etc and an office full of stuff they had at home.
Some stuff is missing parts or is broken, but it's the thought that counts, and it was a good first step towards healing for the kids.
We learned that the oldest wears glasses, and might be ADHD, and is getting tested for learning disabilities.
The middle might have juvenile diabetes.
Mom gave them lots promises, like they were going to get a wii, a kitten, and all kinds of new stuff when they come home 'in a few days'....
I noticed that the little girl is mom's little girl, and the baby is daddy's little boy - and the oldest is kind of left out.
I think that is a major reason why he is so hostile towards women, especially me, and has a lot of issues.
CPS is checking in to a family placement, and I think that would be good for him to have someone that is related to him, and will put him first for a while.

The kids lied and exaggerated about many situations to make us look bad on purpose to mom.
One said that we "whoop him" and make him sleep in the living room, and lock him up in a 'baby box'.
We obviously don't spank him, and he took a quiet time on a cot in the living room today, where he got to watch TV, which was a treat.
And we did put him in a play pin for one of his time outs because he wouldn't sit on the step, and was getting way out of control.
Obviously that freaked mom out.
Then to top it off they called me mom in front of BM and BD - and it got Mom real heated.
She asked them why they did that, and they lied and said I forced them.
Obviously, I didn't.
But none the less, it got mom and dad really mad and she forbid them to call me that anymore.
Which, obviously, is fine with me.
I'm now enemy #1 in mom's eyes.
But I sort of expected it.

Surprisingly, the kids still called me mom the second they got back with me.
I mean literally mom just walked down the hallway, and they came in to the other hallway with me....
I was surprised.
They didn't cry much, or have a big fit, or even regress and act horrible like I expected.
I'm glad.
I'm not the least bit mad at the kids for lying - I understand that sometimes the more the kids bond with their foster parents, the more they lie about them to their bio parents.
It's a loyalty thing, and BM and BD will give them a guilt trip if they say they like us, or enjoy being with us.
So, really it's a compliment in a way.

Then later I had to take the little girl to the DR. for a girl problem..
and that brings us to now.
And I'm TIRED.

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