Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Catching up...

ReCap of the last few days:

Wednesday/Thursday: Try and try and try with all my might to read God's mind. Drive myself crazy. Start fundraising for Olive. Get a call from an old friend saying that her mom and dad might donate a considerable amount should we move forward - totally excited.

Friday: Have a great day - enjoy my kiddos, enjoy relaxing, get use to the idea that things aren't going to happen in my timing, and I'm wasting what little time I do have to relax by fussing about. Karl comes home from work and we decide to go to his parents for dinner. We have a nice dinner, Karl and his dad go shopping, take forever, me and the kids are tired, and ready to go home and go to bed. I come home and find out that I missed a call from DA for a 3 year old and 5 month old. I get really upset. Am mad that I forgot my phone. Get mad at myself, get mad at God, go to bed frustrated.

Saturday: My little brother comes over for the day. I try my best to enjoy my family and not be pissy. Karl goes to run an errand, and while he's gone my brother drops Evelyn, she hits her head on a a cracked plastic gaming chair. She's generally rather dramatic about everything, so I rush to pick her up, and rock her thinking she'll hopefully be over it in a minute or two. I'm rocking her, and then I realize I have blood all over my arm and hand. I rush around the house trying to figure out a suitable place to put her down to check out the damage. She refused to let me touch her head at all, so I couldn't see through the bloody hair what the cut looked like. I got it to stop bleeding, and went about my day because she seemed fine as long as I wasn't trying to touch it. About 2 hours later I stick her in the bath, since she's still got blood all over her hair, and rinse her hair enough to see that there is an inch wide cut, a few millimeters thick and deep, and it is NOT going to heal with out stitches. I pick up my mom, go to her clinic (she's a nurse), she takes Evie in the back room to get stitched up while I wait in the waiting room. My worst fears come true, she's screaming like someone is trying to kill her, she can hardly breath, everything in me wants to go rescue her - but I can't. It was such an awful feeling.

Later that night she was totally fine, and Karl and I even went out on our previously planned date. We got a drink, and went to see that dog movie. the name escapes me right now. It was cute, I liked it. We had a good night.

Sunday: Karl refused to get up for church - we had a very lazy day. I did a bible study, we all took naps, had a good lunch, and generally just moseyed about. It was lovely. It is starting to sink in that I need to just sit back and relax, and rest, and stop scrambling around for an answer I'm not going to get. Bible study was really, really good.

Monday: First part of the day I enjoyed playing with and snuggling the kids, then I crocheted a bit, and then I ran errands. I dropped some things our foster kids left here at DA and brought the Social Workers a treat. I came home, had dinner, enjoyed a movie with Karl, and just relaxed. Later on I got pulled in to that stupid Bachelor show... thats all I have to say about that.

Late last night I get this weird burst of energy, and totally clean our room top to bottom while Karl sleeps through the whole thing. I know, I'm queer.

Today: today is one of the first days that I have really been able to say I'm just relaxing, and enjoying 'life'. I'm starting to learn how to let-go. It's weird, but I like it. I think I have to learn to enjoy being 'bored'.

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