Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'm tired!

I am so tired.
This is the hardest job that I have ever had.
I have baby-sat 6 toddlers and babies at the same time, all day, 5 days a week, pregnant, and did not have a problem.
I felt prepared for fostering, read many books, have the heart for it, went to every training, optional or not.
My husband and I are on the same page, and both are capable of loving other children like our own, and are comfortable with the goal of reunification, or adoption which ever a case would go.

Sounds great on paper right?

Well, that's what I thought.

But, these kids have me seriously second guessing my abilities.
J. has very challenging behaviors, urinating on the floor, refusing to go to bed, cursing, manipulating, disobedience, "accidently" hurting the other kids, impulsiveness, can't sit still for a second, etc.

I don't expect him to be any different given the circumstances.

But, I'm not sure I could handle it every day, for months.

I am finishing out this commitment only with the help of my husband and to glorify God.

"Your need is My chance to help. Faith is all I need to manifest My Power."
--Two Listeners

I have a lot going through my mind right now...
Is this the right timing?
Are all the kids going to be as challenging as J?
Could I continue to do this with extra support (house cleaner, regular babysitter, pre-school, etc)?
What ages are going to be best for our family?
Maybe we should do just babies?
Maybe we should do just foster care adoption 2 and under?
Maybe we should just put this all off right now?

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