Feeling a little better today...

Feeling a little better now that's I've vomited all that raw emotion out for over 24 hours. It was hard to put Olive's Christmas outfit on my other daughter for Thanksgiving. I bought it before I knew her measurements, and it would have been nearly too small should we have brought her home even now - so in 2-3 months time it surely wouldn't fit. I would have loved to preserve it as the first outfit bought for her - but I'm just too practical for that, and couldn't spend $15 for a dress to hang in a closet. Besides, it'll allow for me to buy her a new first special outfit later.

Anyhow, many of you might have perceived me of over-reacting, considering we WILL still be bringing her home - and at some point I'm sure I'll say "it was better this way" (or maybe I wont).... But the real reason I was knocked so far off my rocker was because I had such total and complete peace about traveling this year. I felt that God had reassured me over and over that if I would just believe in Him fully - she would be home before the holidays. Part of me is still praying for a miracle.

But, I felt like Joshua asking God to stop the sun from moving so they could have victory - and I felt total peace and confidence that He would. But, He didn't.

This was the first time that I really felt God had given me Word on something, and completely believed in Him to provide what I was asking for - and had confirmation in my spirit from other people affirming they felt the same. And it did not happen.

That has been hard for me to work through. Especially because we're not talking about praying in faith for a new minivan or for a job promotion. We're talking about my baby - who is half a world away from me - who I would do ANYTHING to bring home even just ONE SECOND earlier because I love her that much.

Exposing my inner wrestling

Nothing like sharing your raw emotions with the 'world' and probably people you don't even know, right ;)
I wanted to share some stories friends have shared with me to try and be an encouragement.

"When I was in the hospital pregnant with my daughter (who I was told was going to die), the doctors came in and decided to induce me 5 weeks early (against my wishes) and I prayed to God, why was he letting this happen... she was too early, too small... needed to stay in and grow more. But then after they delivered her they found that her umbilical cord had wasted away and had she not been induced within the hour, she would have died! (They induced me trying to kill her... God had other plans... he allowed them to induce her trying to kill her, so that He could let her live and be known as a miracle in that hospital to all the doctors who thought she would die.) I saw this again when her heart surgery was scheduled for a certain day and then they called us on our way to the hospital and told us that it was canceled... I was so mad because it was going to be hard for us to re-plan for a later date and I felt like she needed the surgery right then. God had a plan... I later found out that the baby who was bumped into her place for surgery died during surgery (had the same heart defect as my daughter)... if she had been in surgery at her scheduled time, that would have been her.
I know none of this makes you feel better... just want to reassure you that He does have a plan!! "

"When I was in living in Israel I spoke with a friend of mine who had a newborn and a 3 year old. The three year old kept begging to be alone with the baby. The mom was nervous but let him be alone (with the monitor left on so She could listen) The three year old closed the door and she heard him say "Tell me about Jesus and the Angels...Im starting to forget" Olive is not alone..she has the hand of God on her right now. She is being entertained by angels. Im going to pray that she dreams about you while she sleeps so she will know your face."

"When I was living in Romania working in the childrens hospital on the Russian Border I met a family. The Vishki family. The father was a pastor who was arrested and thrown in Jail for ministering the Gospel. That left his wife alone with I think 5 children..Communist Romania post WW2. Long story short..for a long winter wolves would drop food off at her door. Gods provision!"

I'm not saying I'm rosey cheeked and grinning ear to ear now, but hearing testimonies of God's goodness is comforting and helps keep the tears at bay if only for a few minutes.

My prayin' baby

Ethan just prayed privately before his meal (he's the only one eating an early dinner at the table by himself bc he's leaving for an over-night with my parents) and what I could understand was something about baby Olive and wren with down syndrome... too cute.

We will not travel this year :(

I am a bit of a wreck today.
We have gotten word that the adoption officials will not be able (or willing?) to get everything done by the date needed to allow us to travel this year.
This means that we will not be able to travel until the end of January or February.
Normally even when my circumstances aren't what I like them to be - I can hold on to the truth that God sees the big picture and that His plan is much better than we could imagine.
But today, my faith is failing me.
I can't pull it together because I can't stop thinking...
She's going to spend 2.5-3 months sitting in her crib waiting for us.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months exposed to deadly flu viruses.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months exposed to the cold that comes with a harsh winter.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months growing and all the special outfits we bought her will likely not fit.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months learning new things that her momma and daddy won't be able to enjoy with her.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months missing all the wonderful holiday traditions we were so excited to share with her.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 more months wondering if there is something better than 20 hours a day in a crib wasting away.
We are going to spend 2.5-3 more months pining for our daughter
We are going to spend 2.5-3 more months wondering what she is doing, if she is okay, and if someone is showing her any love and attention.
I am going to spend 2.5-3 more months missing part of my heart and wondering why God wouldn't have shown off and brought our daughter home.

I pray that God will graciously allow me to have a glimpse in to His ways so I can understand why we all have to suffer through the next 2.5-3 months, and that the Glory brought to him will be worth it in the end.

God, I know you're good. I know that your plan is better. I know that you see the big picture. But I can't see it right now, and I'm not feeling very confident that your plan is better. All I can think is of my daughter, and how she's going to have to wait what will feel like an eternity to her. I struggle knowing that you can do anything if it's your wish - and you're choosing to not make this happen. I feel like screaming and yelling at you in disgust that you would allow this, angry that you would make her wait... isn't 3.5 years enough!!! and I feel like falling at your feet exhausted and balling, begging for your mercy - and asking again for a miracle - because I just can't believe that this is your will. It was much easier to swallow knowing that we were going to be getting her soon. And thinking I understood your bigger picture, because our process would be faster, she's be home in the nick of time, and you would have shown off your Glory with another amazing miracle. And I truly believed that we would. But now I just sit here in disbelief and frustration weeping for my little girl. I don't understand....

Matching Grant Update

We have been given $1,300 of our needed $2,500 towards our matching grant!
We have a need of $1,200 to be fully funded!!
(or at least in theory as our costs are estimates)


If you would like to come along side us and support our adoption please send a tax deductible check to:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St. 
Gridley, IL 61744
IN THE MEMO SECTION of the check: please include Malefyt #1021adoption
In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. 
This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use. 


Or via the 'donate' button on this blog.
Or our Family Sponsorship profile at http://reecesrainbow.com/familysponsorshipalmostthere.htm - we are near the bottomw :)


Thank you for investing in the Kingdom through prayer and finances — it will be an investment with an eternal return! 
(Matt 6:20)

Possible progress

Our facilitator is doing everything she can to get us to travel before the end of the year.
She's asking a lot of the adoption officials by asking them to finish approving our dossier, clearing Olive for International Adoption, and allowing us to be given a travel date.
We need some Divine intervention!

Praying this is the week.

I'm praying that this is the week that we're told the day to be in Olive's country.
If it's not - my heart just might break.
Every morning we have a chance of hearing traveling news, it feels like a first time mom going to the ER with pains - not sure if it's going to be 'the day' or not. It's nerve wrecking sitting on the monitors and waiting for the nurse to tell you if it's your lucky day - or if you're to go home and wait again.
When it's day after day, it gets maddening.
But, I am learning a lesson.
And apparently I haven't learned it well before - because God continues to test me and refine me in it.
That lesson is believing in His goodness, and that He's going to take care of me in the best possible way, even when my circumstances aren't what I want them to be.
I am not doing perfectly this round, but my response time of 'giving it to God' and turning my thinking around is getting quicker.
And for this I am thankful.

We're praying that Olive's social worker will answer her phone - or give our facilitator a call back.
This is the only thing that stands between our little girl meeting her family or continuing to wait.