Feeling a little better today...

Feeling a little better now that's I've vomited all that raw emotion out for over 24 hours. It was hard to put Olive's Christmas outfit on my other daughter for Thanksgiving. I bought it before I knew her measurements, and it would have been nearly too small should we have brought her home even now - so in 2-3 months time it surely wouldn't fit. I would have loved to preserve it as the first outfit bought for her - but I'm just too practical for that, and couldn't spend $15 for a dress to hang in a closet. Besides, it'll allow for me to buy her a new first special outfit later.

Anyhow, many of you might have perceived me of over-reacting, considering we WILL still be bringing her home - and at some point I'm sure I'll say "it was better this way" (or maybe I wont).... But the real reason I was knocked so far off my rocker was because I had such total and complete peace about traveling this year. I felt that God had reassured me over and over that if I would just believe in Him fully - she would be home before the holidays. Part of me is still praying for a miracle.

But, I felt like Joshua asking God to stop the sun from moving so they could have victory - and I felt total peace and confidence that He would. But, He didn't.

This was the first time that I really felt God had given me Word on something, and completely believed in Him to provide what I was asking for - and had confirmation in my spirit from other people affirming they felt the same. And it did not happen.

That has been hard for me to work through. Especially because we're not talking about praying in faith for a new minivan or for a job promotion. We're talking about my baby - who is half a world away from me - who I would do ANYTHING to bring home even just ONE SECOND earlier because I love her that much.

Exposing my inner wrestling

Nothing like sharing your raw emotions with the 'world' and probably people you don't even know, right ;)
I wanted to share some stories friends have shared with me to try and be an encouragement.

"When I was in the hospital pregnant with my daughter (who I was told was going to die), the doctors came in and decided to induce me 5 weeks early (against my wishes) and I prayed to God, why was he letting this happen... she was too early, too small... needed to stay in and grow more. But then after they delivered her they found that her umbilical cord had wasted away and had she not been induced within the hour, she would have died! (They induced me trying to kill her... God had other plans... he allowed them to induce her trying to kill her, so that He could let her live and be known as a miracle in that hospital to all the doctors who thought she would die.) I saw this again when her heart surgery was scheduled for a certain day and then they called us on our way to the hospital and told us that it was canceled... I was so mad because it was going to be hard for us to re-plan for a later date and I felt like she needed the surgery right then. God had a plan... I later found out that the baby who was bumped into her place for surgery died during surgery (had the same heart defect as my daughter)... if she had been in surgery at her scheduled time, that would have been her.
I know none of this makes you feel better... just want to reassure you that He does have a plan!! "

"When I was in living in Israel I spoke with a friend of mine who had a newborn and a 3 year old. The three year old kept begging to be alone with the baby. The mom was nervous but let him be alone (with the monitor left on so She could listen) The three year old closed the door and she heard him say "Tell me about Jesus and the Angels...Im starting to forget" Olive is not alone..she has the hand of God on her right now. She is being entertained by angels. Im going to pray that she dreams about you while she sleeps so she will know your face."

"When I was living in Romania working in the childrens hospital on the Russian Border I met a family. The Vishki family. The father was a pastor who was arrested and thrown in Jail for ministering the Gospel. That left his wife alone with I think 5 children..Communist Romania post WW2. Long story short..for a long winter wolves would drop food off at her door. Gods provision!"

I'm not saying I'm rosey cheeked and grinning ear to ear now, but hearing testimonies of God's goodness is comforting and helps keep the tears at bay if only for a few minutes.

My prayin' baby

Ethan just prayed privately before his meal (he's the only one eating an early dinner at the table by himself bc he's leaving for an over-night with my parents) and what I could understand was something about baby Olive and wren with down syndrome... too cute.

We will not travel this year :(

I am a bit of a wreck today.
We have gotten word that the adoption officials will not be able (or willing?) to get everything done by the date needed to allow us to travel this year.
This means that we will not be able to travel until the end of January or February.
Normally even when my circumstances aren't what I like them to be - I can hold on to the truth that God sees the big picture and that His plan is much better than we could imagine.
But today, my faith is failing me.
I can't pull it together because I can't stop thinking...
She's going to spend 2.5-3 months sitting in her crib waiting for us.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months exposed to deadly flu viruses.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months exposed to the cold that comes with a harsh winter.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months growing and all the special outfits we bought her will likely not fit.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months learning new things that her momma and daddy won't be able to enjoy with her.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 months missing all the wonderful holiday traditions we were so excited to share with her.
She is going to spend 2.5-3 more months wondering if there is something better than 20 hours a day in a crib wasting away.
We are going to spend 2.5-3 more months pining for our daughter
We are going to spend 2.5-3 more months wondering what she is doing, if she is okay, and if someone is showing her any love and attention.
I am going to spend 2.5-3 more months missing part of my heart and wondering why God wouldn't have shown off and brought our daughter home.

I pray that God will graciously allow me to have a glimpse in to His ways so I can understand why we all have to suffer through the next 2.5-3 months, and that the Glory brought to him will be worth it in the end.

God, I know you're good. I know that your plan is better. I know that you see the big picture. But I can't see it right now, and I'm not feeling very confident that your plan is better. All I can think is of my daughter, and how she's going to have to wait what will feel like an eternity to her. I struggle knowing that you can do anything if it's your wish - and you're choosing to not make this happen. I feel like screaming and yelling at you in disgust that you would allow this, angry that you would make her wait... isn't 3.5 years enough!!! and I feel like falling at your feet exhausted and balling, begging for your mercy - and asking again for a miracle - because I just can't believe that this is your will. It was much easier to swallow knowing that we were going to be getting her soon. And thinking I understood your bigger picture, because our process would be faster, she's be home in the nick of time, and you would have shown off your Glory with another amazing miracle. And I truly believed that we would. But now I just sit here in disbelief and frustration weeping for my little girl. I don't understand....

Matching Grant Update

We have been given $1,300 of our needed $2,500 towards our matching grant!
We have a need of $1,200 to be fully funded!!
(or at least in theory as our costs are estimates)


If you would like to come along side us and support our adoption please send a tax deductible check to:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St. 
Gridley, IL 61744
IN THE MEMO SECTION of the check: please include Malefyt #1021adoption
In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. 
This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use. 


Or via the 'donate' button on this blog.
Or our Family Sponsorship profile at http://reecesrainbow.com/familysponsorshipalmostthere.htm - we are near the bottomw :)


Thank you for investing in the Kingdom through prayer and finances — it will be an investment with an eternal return! 
(Matt 6:20)

Possible progress

Our facilitator is doing everything she can to get us to travel before the end of the year.
She's asking a lot of the adoption officials by asking them to finish approving our dossier, clearing Olive for International Adoption, and allowing us to be given a travel date.
We need some Divine intervention!

Praying this is the week.

I'm praying that this is the week that we're told the day to be in Olive's country.
If it's not - my heart just might break.
Every morning we have a chance of hearing traveling news, it feels like a first time mom going to the ER with pains - not sure if it's going to be 'the day' or not. It's nerve wrecking sitting on the monitors and waiting for the nurse to tell you if it's your lucky day - or if you're to go home and wait again.
When it's day after day, it gets maddening.
But, I am learning a lesson.
And apparently I haven't learned it well before - because God continues to test me and refine me in it.
That lesson is believing in His goodness, and that He's going to take care of me in the best possible way, even when my circumstances aren't what I want them to be.
I am not doing perfectly this round, but my response time of 'giving it to God' and turning my thinking around is getting quicker.
And for this I am thankful.

We're praying that Olive's social worker will answer her phone - or give our facilitator a call back.
This is the only thing that stands between our little girl meeting her family or continuing to wait.

Not today

We were told that our facilitator was not able to work today due to a death.
She plans on calling Olive's social worker tomorrow morning (around 2-4AM Michigan time!)
We're praying that Olive's social worker is at work - that she answers her phone - that she tells J that Olive's paperwork is ready to go - and that it's done correctly.
We're praying that Jasmina can push to get us a travel date soon (preferably tomorrow!) that will allow us to travel before the end of the year.

If this happens, H1N1 is a threat in Olive's region - and there will have to be accommodations to protect the children and workers.

This may mean very limited supervised visits, possibly at an off-campus location.

It may cut down on the time of our adoption process, or it may delay it all together.
We're praying that H1N1 will not impact our adoption in any negative manner, that the children and workers will be protected, and that we will have a wonderful experience while we're there, limited initial visits or not.

Not what I hoped to hear...

We found out today that Olive's social worker has been out of the office, and won't be back to work until this Thursday.
So, until Thursday - there is nothing our facilitator can do to move us forward and get us a travel date.
We're praying she'll call bright and early Thursday morning, and that Olive's worker will relay that her paperwork is all done and ready to go. And that J will request a travel date for us Thursday or Friday.
Of course this is an unlikely scenario (when you're talking international adoption) - but God is big! And He's done a whole lot of these unlikely things for us so far.
We are praying that we will still travel in November, and at worst the first days of December.
Lord, please hear our prayers and give us our desires!


Olive had a cardiologist appointment scheduled for this past Friday.
I've asked if we might be able to know the results.

So, hopefully we'll hear some great news at the end of this week.

We got a little clarification :)

We did hear today that our dossier was received, translated, and submitted successfully to the Ministry Officials in Olive's country.
Jasmina is going to be calling Olive's Center of Social Work to see if Olive's paperwork is ready for her to request a travel date for us.
I so wish that she could have called today.
But, tomorrow it is.
And I will try my best to sit here patiently and wait to see.

Still waiting for clarification..

We're still waiting for clarification on wether or not we were submitted.
I'm feeling good about it.
But that doesn't always amount to much.
I did get my last wedding of the season edited, and I'm not taking on any more outside work other than the hats/scarves which I'll be going full blast on now.
My nesting urge is strong - so I'm excited to pull out our boxes of little girl clothes, and start packing some away for her. I'm going to start tomorrow.
I hope that we get a travel date so it's not in vain!

Olive's Measurements

We were given Olive's measurements today!

She is VERY disproportionate.

She is the average weight of a 7-8 month old, and the length of a 14 month old.

17.75lbs and 30 inches

Getting clothing to fit should be interesting...

We got new pictures of Olive!!!!

I am so excited... I could just cry.

We were told

"We're still waiting on information from Olive's social worker. I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything!"

I asked for clarification and this is what she said

"I think that the "waiting on information" part means that she's waiting to hear that everything is complete (and together....your paper work and Olive's), so that a travel date can be issued. She's trying to stay on top of everything so that she can get you a travel date as soon as possible. I did ask her to clarify that for me though!"

Here comes the anxiety and nesting!!!! I'm so excited!

Update!

We were told that our dossier is going to be submitted Monday!!!!

We were also told that our facilitator was told that the social worker appears to have everything done, and just is waiting on our dossier to finish!!!!

Generally the dossier is approved, sent to the social worker, she combines the paperwork, sends it back to the officials, and then they give final approval and A TRAVEL DATE!!!!

No pee pants here!

Ethan has been dry all day! Even in public!

Hat's & Scarves

We've gotten over 50% of our goal in just about 2 short weeks!

I am so thankful!

I am working on them every free second I have.

I will try and keep up a good pace, but there's a lot of kitting and crocheting to do!

WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!!!

We got a $2,500 matching grant from LifeSong for Orphans through Families of Promise, our church's adoption ministry!

All we have to do is raise $2,500 to get the matching money, and we'll be nearly funded!

HALLELUJAH!

Thank you Lord!

We are so blessed!

BUSY!

Things are (nearly) out-of-control busy around here!

Whew - it's been a really fast going past few months.

In that respect, I am looking forward to traveling over seas with Karl.

It will force us to have quite a few days of "us" time.

I'll be really grateful for it.

(But, I will be missing my kids terribly though)

Tomorrow we hope to hear about our matching grant request.

I am also praying again that we will hear something from our facilitator about Olive tomorrow too.

I'm really missing my girl.
Everyday that we get closer to a possible travel date, it gets harder..
Especially because we may not even travel this year yet.
It's like knowing that you are going to have a baby soon, but just aren't sure when you're due - even though you look and feel like you could pop any day.
I was watching Joyce meyer today and she described how God can change your life in just one day.
How you could be struggling with something day after day with no real idea when or if it will ever stop..
And then all of the sudden God answers or moves and that problem or struggle is just no longer there.
You can go to bed trying to deal with that issue on your heart - day after day.
And then just all if the sudden it's over, it's not a problem any longer, your relieved and you never even saw such joy coming your way.
Lord I pray that that day will be coming for is shortly. We miss our little girl, and pray that you will give us the relief of going to get her this month. Amen.

Thanks Gramma!

I wanted to take a minute to say thanks to my Grandma who is the one responsible for teaching me how to crochet when I was a little girl.

With out her, I couldn't have made these hats - which is going to raise us a couple hundred dollars for Olive!

Thanks Gramma!

Mini Update

I got an email from our family coordinator and this is what was said:

"I wanted to let you know that J checked with Olive's social worker on Friday. She's still working on getting everything completed on her end. I told J to make sure and let the social worker know that you have your USCIS approval...and that everyone is just waiting on her!

I'll let you know as I hear more."

As she said it - EVERYONE is waiting on Olive's Social Worker.

We're praying that this woman will understand the weight of her timing! Please God, light a fire under her butt, and give her a huge sense of urgency to get everything done CORRECTLY.

Also we have broken the $5,000 threshold! We now only need $4968.40!

Halloween